I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
