everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
