let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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