There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
