I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
