that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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