Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
