Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
