Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
