This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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