Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sorry my hands just texted you
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
40s are totally the cure
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
