shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
