I think scott just propositioned me for sex
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
