i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
