Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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