explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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