does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So much Jack, so little girl.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
