what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
