you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
MIDGETS
????
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
