i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
