Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
