Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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