The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
