I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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