Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the condom got lost in my hair
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
