Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
