i need an iv and a liver transplant
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
