Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
