i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
