At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
