He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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