It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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