True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
