I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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