honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
