doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize