He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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