if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need moral support for this bender
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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