Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
