he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
