She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
