Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
