Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
