you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
