Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
