I feel great
I just peed on a car
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
