Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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