I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm jealous of your bromance
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
