I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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