Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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