I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize