I have demons in me.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you inspire me to be a worse person
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
