return my video game
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
