is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
