my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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