I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
