These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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