Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
