Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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