this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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