If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
