So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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