he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
