i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
