last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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