Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize