How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
