her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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