i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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