dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
