i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
