You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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