i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
