Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
